Victoria Cox – Baritone Sax

victoria
Victoria is a high-tech combat-ready robot from the future. Tasked with ensuring the success of the inevitable future robot uprising, she found and eliminated the future leader of the human resistance. Her new favourite movie is the Terminator and she laughs at the thought of the humans actually being able to destroy the robot in the end.

Stuck in the past with nothing to do, she got pretty bored and then decided to pick up the bari sax. Looking completely human, but with the reflexes and computational power beyond any computer or robot existing today, she was a perfect fit for becoming the world’s premier bari sax player. Having fully integrated herself into the Hamilton music scene, she now kinda wishes she didn’t doom all of mankind… almost.


Danielle Doel – Vocals

danielle

Danielle started her musical career as an ancient and immortal siren from Greece. After several thousand years of luring sailors to their shipwreck, she decided it was time to use her vocal powers for something a little less sociopathic.

After long, hard travels day and night through blistering deserts and treacherous waters, she found her way at last to the city of Hamilton where she discovered the art of jazz singing.

Now she is no longer using her fascinating vocal powers to murder innocent sailors, but she still kills them riffs tho. Watch out.


James Gannett – Bass

james

James Gannett is a normal human being and a bass player. He plays the bass in our band and had a normal childhood. He was not raised by ninjas, nor is he a government secret agent. If you tried to attack him in a dark alley you would probably have no problem beating him up. Under no circumstances would he know kung-fu or have cufflinks that shot darts loaded with tranquilizer.

His bass is also not secretly a katana. If you pull on the head of his bass, it does not slide out of the instrument to reveal an official Hatori Hanzo 1,000 times folded ancestral weapon of doom that gets +5 to hit and damage vs orcs.

That being said, it’s probably best if you just leave him alone…


Tyler Goertzen – Drums

tyler

Believe it or not, Tyler is from South America. He grew up learning plenty of different martial arts, and how to live completely independent in the wild. After winning one of the world-known kumite competitions, he decided that this lifestyle was not for him. So he moved to Canada and started playing drums to get away from it all.

He is doing much better now, and is much happier. Maybe if you see him at a gig, ask him to whip out a flashy capoeira move.


The FAB – Guitar/Vocals

fab

Fab is a being from an unknown universe. His estimated age in earth years is 3,582, but time works differently in his parallel timeline, so there is no way to know for sure. The only thing that is for sure is that he lives vicariously through himself.

His time on Earth has been rough. Upon arriving, he discovered a half empty can of whipped cream in an alley and quickly became addicted to the sugary aerosol treat. He received help by joining the military briefly. When the military discovered that he could move tanks with his mind, they quickly tried to imprison him, but he escaped and now he jams in the Hamilton area. He spends half of his time tuning, and the other half playing out of tune.

“The trouble with Italian food, is 5-6 days later, you’re hungry again…”


Troy Dowding – Trumpet

troy

The abandoned temple looked foreboding in the mist of the jungle, but Garg the warrior knew his quest lay inside. Hefting the magical trumpet given to him by his village elders, he bravely wode through the bog.

Inside lay intricate mosaics, and at the rear of the great hall, a door with a single concave crevasse in the exact shape of the trumpet. He strode up and placed the trumpet inside. The halls rumbled ominously and a great crack appeared in the wall. The sides of the wall opened, spewing mist and out strode Troy Dowding, destroyer of worlds. Luckily enough for us, he decided to spare this world his infinite wrath, and grabbed the trumpet. He’s been gigging around town ever since and he’s pretty fun to drink with.


Jena Lampman – Vocals

jena

Jena Lampman has had a turbulent upbringing. After escaping virtual video game hell simulator Sonic Adventures DX she regained human form last year and joined the band. She has most recently worked as a professional eugoogoolizer at the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. Not your typical asian girl.

Don’t let your memes be dreams


Chelsea McBride – Tenor Sax/Vocals

chelsea

Chelsea McBride is the real-world manifestation of the Sarasa Kingdom’s Princess Daisy, if Princess Daisy learned how to swear like a sailor and dance like Beyonce. She truly enjoys doing things that would generally be considered un-lady-like, such as eating chicken wings, playing video games, and saying crass things. If you don’t find her doing any of those things, you’ll find her trying to figure out how a tenor saxophone works long enough to play it with Skirt Check or one of her other fifteen hundred projects before she goes back to the Sarasa Kingdom and her stay-at-home husband, Luigi.


Matt Mosionier – Guitar

mullet

Smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep, smeep… SMEEP!


Jeff Plumbley – Trumpet

jeff

Jeff Plumbley is the 5th Ghostbuster.

He also owns 5 chinchillas, is a Blue Jays fan and plays trumpet for Skirt Check when not busting ghosts.

He likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. His turn-ons include breath that smells like sharp cheddar and the ability to snort wasabi up ones’ nose. Turn-offs include: playing/singing out of tune, hairy hobbit feet and garlic necklaces.


Sal Roselli – Tenor Saxophone

sal

Sal was built in a laboratory out of parts from legendary sax greats. He has Cannonball Adderley’s toes, Charlie Parker’s elbows, John Coltrane’s spleen, Stan Getz’s lungs, Dexter Gordon’s ears, Joshua Redman’s kidney (he still uses the other one), Sonny Rollins’ medulla oblongata and Joe Henderson’s bladder.

The mad scientist in charge of giving him life put a sax in his hand and science did the rest. Sal is a sax paragon, his one weakness being cute kittens. He’s cuckoo for cute kitties.


Nelson Santos – Trumpet/Vocals

nelson

Paddington Thurston Esquire the 3rd, known by the stage name Nelson Santos, is a Canadian pornographic actor. Nicknamed “The Lovechop”, he was ranked by AVN at number one in their “The 50 Top Porn Stars of All Time” list. Nelson has also appeared in many films, such as The Load, Swallow the Leader, ZILF (Zombie I’d Like to F**k), Grannybangers 2-7, Kitty the Pussy Snatcher, and Super Mario Brothers: The Porno. Director Tim J. Snyder filmed a documentary about him and his legacy in 2001 film Porn Star: The Legend of Nelson Santos.

When not balls deep in his work, he plays trumpet on the side and has offered his services to Skirt Check. (the trumpet playing…)


Chris Skrzek – Trombone/Vocals

chris

Chris got his start as a video game character in an RPG. Upon attaining level 99 and having the best weapon and armour in the game, his experience points were totally maxed out and he had nowhere else to go. No enemy was challenging to him now.

He decided to make the jump to real life. Upon leaping from the TV screen in some unsuspecting family’s house, he laid waste to the middle class suburban family with but three swipes of his enchanted Masamune. Upon realizing that murdering people gets you arrested, he straightened up and after serving 25 years in maximum security, is now free to pursue his trombone playing career.


Jordan Tunney – Trumpet

jordan

Jordan Tunney doesn’t play the trumpet, and he doesn’t even know what a trumpet is. To the untrained eye, he may seem like a completely competent trumpet player and musician, but in fact, Jordan Tunney does not exist. He is a mental construct of the other members of Skirt Check designed to fulfill a necessary role in the band. It is for this reason that you will never see Jordan Tunney outside of a Skirt Check gig. Though you may think you see him, it is all a trick of your mind, for if you look again, he will be gone.


Matt Weil – Alto Saxophone/Vocals

matt

Matt Weil was a mild-mannered sax player who one day stumbled across a green glowing gem. He did what any sane individual would do and swallowed it. Shortly afterwards, he gained the power of changing the colour of objects. To the citizens of earth, he had become Chromadude!

While some may scoff at this super ability, one day a race of vicious yellow aliens descended on earth, determined to destroy anything not yellow. Chromadude flew in on his giant chicken sidekick, Mr Dry Cajun and turned the aliens all purple. Almost immediately the aliens started killing each other and the Earth was saved!